Bont XI vs Welshpool

Bont XI vs Welshpool

Former League of Wales side Welshpool came to the village of Bont for the 2nd round of the cup. They looked more like the crowd of misfits seen at League of Wales grounds on Sgorio combined with a few hitchhikers they'd picked up near Devils Bridge on the way. 

Bont XI had used up all their annual leave taking the last 5 weeks off football and many players had to reintroduce themselves to each to other.

Keeper Sion Jones, wearing full body thermals, was his usual self, tucking his cock and balls between his legs and grinding his newly formed vagina on full back Owen Evans's leg like a desperate lap dancer. Whilst showing off leaving the changing room, he turned too quickly and fell flat on his face, which remains the most gorgeous set of chops in Bont.

Welshpool were garbage. Playing a pathetic formation of 5-3-2, they were as dangerous as Fisher Price scissors. They made a substitution after 20 minutes bringing on a striker who was still living in the 1980s. He had an incredible mullet, prompting keeper Sion Jones to comment, "blydi hell, Chris Waddle!!" He replied in pigeon Welsh - "Na, Tranmere, dim Chris Waddle. Hoffi Coffi a Tottenham Hotspur hefyd" It's the most Welsh ever spoken by someone from Powys since Dai Jones Llanilar was last seen at Rasus Caersws in 2010.

While Chris Waddle (google him if you need to) was busy telling the Bont defence how he used to play from Tranmere and Wales under 15s until he got both his legs broken, Bont began to create. Defender Gwynfryn "Fingers" Hughes hit the post and Cross Fit Wanker Gethin Evans failed with the rebound. Somehow it was still 0-0 as tea lady and club secretary Rhian Jones put the kettle on for halftime.

Act II began with Bont playing terribly. The midfield 5 were more like the Jackson 5 as they failed to pass to each other forcing Ceri Jenkins and Trystan Jones to have an Eastenders style argument over who kept losing the ball.

Chris Waddle was still buzzing around up front, although he was about as useful as a marzipan dildo. The only damage he did was to Gwynfryn Fingers Hughes sock as he ripped it with another one of his late tackles. 

Finally the breakthrough came. Llewelyn Hughes beat a few players before diving spectacularly 25 yards out. His mother would have been ashamed of him, and she was as Claire Hughes looked on from behind the goal. Up stepped ginger winger Andrew Gilbert to curl a beautiful free-kick over a bizarre and pointless one man wall. 1-0 to Bont XI with 20 minutes to go.

The last 20 minutes flew by like an episode of Family Guy. Young striker Dewi Jones somehow missed a header from 5 yards, deciding to head the ball towards his parents instead of the net. Welshpool threw bodies forward but because they were rubbish, they couldn't score and the game ended 1-0.

The quarter finals beckon for Bont XI after defeating a team from the league above. One thing is for sure that it'll be Bont vs Powys once again in the next round.

Being St David's day, the post match meal was cawl, with slightly stale bread and cheese. Very traditional. No Welshpool players returned to the pub as they aren't Welsh and hate St David, apart from maybe Chris Waddle who's cries of "Come on Y Trallwng" were wasted on his team all day as they didn't understand what it meant.

Final Score - Bont XI 1 Welshpool 0

#ChrisWaddle
#Trallwng
#SaysItLikeItIs
#BontFC

Awdur / author: Ceri Jenkins via Facebook