Hay St Mary's 4 - 1 Bont

Hay St Mary's v Bont XI

After National Steak and Blowjob Day had passed without incident for most of the Bont Lads, 13 players, Chairman Dicky Mint, secretary Rhian Jones and 2013-14 Fan of the Year Ted Jones travelled to the Powys Town of Hay on Wye full of energy and hope.

Bont welcomed back 6ft 8ins Crossfit Wanker Gethin Evans, but were without Ceri Jenkins, who was once again on egg chasing duty, Captain Owain Schiavone, who had decided to rest a knock for the first time in his career, Dewi Sion Evans, who had returned to his wife, and Andre Marsh, whose creaky legs had made two cameo appearances in the last two weeks at the grand old age of 72, unfortunately had to be put down.

As is customary for a trip over the Cwmystwyth mountain road, Dicky Mint entertained us with the story of the Bont FC sponsored walk from Pontrhydfendigaid to Rhaeadr, on which "Rhys" (whoever he is) got lost on the mountain and spent the night in a pigpen. Never gets old that one.

On arrival at Hay, it was clear that there was an elephant in the room, and Biscuit Minge 2 was born. Even with Gwynfryn Hughes in the side, the word "Fingers" has never been uttered more times in a Bont changing room. Captain for the day Sion Jones celebrated by trying to finger Manager and stand-in keeper Rhodri Morgans. I'd have loved to see him try that on Appy.

The warm up was surprisingly windy, and Sion Jones declared that it would be easier to find the missing Malaysian plane than one of Dan Morgans' crosses, which went just about everywhere.

Before the game, the ref, who was a spitting image of Big Alan's brother on Stella, came in to give us a pep talk. He obviously liked the sound of his own voice, and eventually we had to ask him to cut his speech short as it was nearly 2.20pm and the pitch was about a 2-mile walk away, probably in England.

The game started with Bont FC penned in their own half, with the wind against them. After some valiant (desperate) defending, the breakthrough came as the home striker skilfully flicked the ball over Rhodri Morgans after a well-worked throw in routine.

Just before half time, it was 2-0. Defender Gwynfryn Hughes was pulled out of position by the home side's impressive number 9 and Owen Evans was left 3 on 1, trying to defend a lost cause. Bont rallied before half time, but despite good runs from Andrew Gilbert and Dewi Jones, they went in 2 down.

With the wind now behind them, Bont came out fighting, keeping possession for about a minute before losing it, and Hay's number 10 beautifully turned Owen Evans and rifled an unstopable left foot shot into the bottom corner. 

Before too long, it was 4-0. The Hay number 9 let out an anguished cry as he completely scuffed his shot about a yard to Rhodri Morgans' left. Fortunately for the home side, and as has become his way, Morgans had a quick fumble, the ball somehow slipping through his flimsy fingers.

Bont rallied, as they always do when 4-0 down. Andrew Gilbert scored his second stunning free kick in 3 games, Leighton Baines-style. Winger Trevor Jenkins hit the bar with a looping header and a crazy goalmouth scramble, where all 10 of Bont's outfield players had a shot, eventually came to nothing.

There was confusion 10 minutes from time when an 80-20 tackle resulted in simultaneous cries of "Fucking hell!" from Sion Jones and one of the Hay defenders. Unfortunately for Jones, the referee wasn't fooled and he was rightfully shown the yellow card.

After the final whistle, it transpired that injured Captain Owain Schiavone had been bombarding one of the poor Hay fans on the sidelines with tweets, asking for score updates. Andrew Gilbert also proved that if you're hair is in any way ginger, you have a nickname for life, as all the Hay players greeted him with "Nice free-kick Ginge" as they passed.

Joint winners for quote of the day today: Manager Rhodri Morgans surprised us all by saying to Sion Jones: "If you could pick between my life and your life right now, you'd pick mine!" Sion Jones must have an awful life, bless him. Morgans also made us all chuckle by repeating something that manager in waiting Glyndwr Hughes had said the week before. Apparently, after asking a few of us whether we'll be playing next season, he asked Morgans: "What you doing next season, supporting?" Harsh.

Final Score: Hay 4 Bont XI 1.

  (Llun: Twitter @HaySTMarysFC)

#MatchReport
#SaysItLikeItIs
#BiscuitMinge2
#Ginge

Awdur / Author: Gwynfryn Hughes