Newbridge vs Bont XI

When Bont arrived, it was dry, and when Bont left, it was dry but in between the Sahara desert conditions, the weather resembled something at the North Pole, although there were no poles present as this was Newbridge-on-Wye not Llanybydder-on-Warsaw.

In the changing room, roly-poly radio presenter Ifan Jones Evans bragged about how he'd bought his missis flowers for Welsh Valentines Day and that all giraffes are apparently bi-sexual. Manager Rhodri Morgans, who looked like a caveman with his new beard tried to write the team sheet out but got as far as number 2 before writing his own name down by accident. He named himself on the bench in a hit squad of 14.

The football game began with no football. By now, the rain and wind had become a nightmare. It was bloody freezing. To warm everyone up, driving hail came in from the side. It was so bad that no one could hear anyone and no one could see a thing. There were more blue body parts on the field than the Amputation ward at Smurf Hospital.

The halftime whistle went, and with no where else to go the Bont team ran into the stand which looked like the back end of the Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean. Half of the team looked like the crew from the ship too as they huddled around each other. Keeper Sion Jones vibrated like an epileptic as he took off his top to add a thermal layer and winger Andrew Gilbert turned to ice. The team talk took place in the stand, in Welsh because the Newbridge number 10 was sat there crying. He was never seen again. 

As the second half began, the weather got better. The Newbridge number 10, last seen crying in the stand was replaced by number 16, who bragged about how warm he was with his black gloves on. Within 5 minutes defenders' Ceri Jenkins and Gwynfryn Hughes had flattened him resulting in his hands landing in a puddle. The gloves were off, literally, as they were soaked and he moaned all through the second half that his hands were cold.

The second half highlight reel would be as long as the list of nice places to visit in Powys. Bugger all as far as goals with Bont's best chance falling to young gun Dewi Jones who's shot from the edge of the area grazed past the post. Ifan Jones Evans, playing in the hole and always finding himself in a puddle when he got the ball, managed to trip over himself in the most spectacular dummy ever that would have fooled a detective inspector.

Unfortunately more fluids entered the field of play. Not rain or hail, but full back Ian Lee being sick, prompting the winger he was marking to play a more central role to avoid any diseases. Newbridge could of and should have won it. Their shooting was as accurate as a broken compass and the game ended 0-0 and Bont XI remain unbeaten in 2014.

The changing rooms were part of a farm shed where 2 of the 4 showers had electrical wires exposed and the other 2 were either boiling or freezing. It was torture. Bodies were shaking, and Ifan Evans had bleeding nipples as the players cuddled up in the only hot shower like refugees around a fire.

Quote of the Day goes to winger Trevor Jenkins who said after the game that his ears were so cold, he couldn't see. 

So the game started 0-0 and finished 0-0. What was the point?!

Final score - Newbridge 0 Bont XI 0

#WorstWeatherEver
#SaysItLikeItIs
#ShitShower
#BontHatePowys

Awdur / Author: Ceri Jenkins via Facebook