Presteigne vs Bont XI

It's easier to light a match on a yogurt lid than it is to find Presteignes' ground but 14#BontLads got there on a scorching hot September day, commonly known as today, unless you're reading this tomorrow, then it was yesterday, or the day before.

All 92 football league clubs were sent multi-coloured laces in support of the campaign to eliminate Homophobia in football this weekend - the cleverly named Right Behind Gay Footballers campaign. None of the Bont players are afraid of their own house so Homophobia has never been a problem at the club but 2 players wore rainbow laces to show their support for the cause, and questions were asked about who was going to come out second after comedian and midfielder Sion Jones.

Pre match highlights were Chairman Dicky Mint informing wide-man Osian Davies that he knew his mother "really" well when they were younger and fake Italian Owain Schiavone kept having his football socks stolen. Eventually everyone was ready, and manager Rhodri Morgans announced that the players needed to warm up, and his verse of "Let's go out and piss about" described it well. Sockless Schiavone said it was about time Bont had a poet, and with one swoop, and a rally of the troops, Bont marched out and warmed up as a group.

The game was rather one sided, and the Bont defence had more holes in it than a homeless mans sock but Bont held out for about half an hour before it went 1-0. The only incidents worth mentioning were defender Ceri Jenkins having a scuffle with the Presteigne number 7 who looked like a deformed lizard. The lizard punched Jenkins and elbowed midfielder Sion Jones and was lucky not to get squashed. 

It all went as sour as a fizzy Haribo when both managers brought themselves on for the last 20 minutes of the game. The Presteigne manager, wearing number 15 was about as useful as a white crayon and was beaten and embarrased by Bont midfielder Owain Schiavone so he hauled him to the turf in a headlock. Scuffle number 3 of the day began, only for tough nuts Sion Jones and Ceri Jenkins to break things up, mainly by pushing the manager back. Sion Jones was called a big gay boy and Jenkins branded a faggot for his actions. After mentioning the campaign Bont were supporting that day, Bont ensued in a little bit of harmless gay fun, as manager Rhodri Morgans pinched the number 15's arse, Ceri Jenkins stamped on his toes twice at a corner and Sion Jones accused him of attempted rape to the referee, who responded with "He's a braver man than I am" 

Back to the boring details - the actual scoreline as Bont conceded two more goals late on and lost 3-0. Upon arriving in the dressing room, sweaty manager Rhodri Morgans won the sought-after Quote of the day award by saying “One thing I’ve learnt today – I don’t think I’m a footballer". 

The showers were intimate, and bar a bit of shampoo-sharing and flesh touching, nothing interesting went down - in fact, no one went down on anyone.

In the clubhouse afterwards, hotdogs were served with a side order of chips. A small child came wondering over towards the Bont team, placed his arms around central defenders Ceri Jenkins and Gwynfryn Fingers Hughes and stood there smiling. Expecting him to poke fun at the 3-0 scoreline, he simply said hello, laughed and ran away. Neither could be bothered to chase him as they’d done enough running for one day.

Final Score – Homophobic Presteigne 3 Bont XI 0

#Poetry
#SaysItLikeItis
#BontFC

Awdur / Author: Ceri Jenkins via Facebook